Saturday, March 20, 2010

Becoming me

It’s been ages since I last wrote any post. I owe this to Amman, it’s very boring and nothing interesting ever happens.

What I have noticed about myself this year is that I’m more confrontational, I’m not slightly worried of my beliefs and I’m not afraid of consequences.
I don’t know whether this is due to me turning 27 or whether this is part of the natural cycle of life where you say “Stop” and “No” and “Let’s go for it”.

The wonderful lesson I learnt a few years back is to “choose my battles” (not that I’m perfect at it) and this has impacted my life so much that I don’t feel trapped or obliged to behave a in certain way. I keep preaching this concept to my friends and hopefully one day it’ll make sense. I hope I don’t discover that it’s wrong.

Incidents and random thoughts

I was at band practice last week and the conductor was saying something about how she and the school band are performing in villages across the kingdom and that all of us would probably not know where these places are…… in between parenthesis, we’re in our luxury bubble and do not know anything around us. She then pointed to a player and said: “oh maybe you know these places because your field of work gets you involved in these things.”

Ok, I’m going to say this once and for all, people who work close to death or close to the poor or in charity work or in any kind of “I’m too good for the world” kind of job does not make them any better than others.

Why are you judging me? Just because I work in a corporate where we have kitchenettes and AC and a parking spot does not make me any less worthy of those in USAID projects!

I might not know Al- Jafer or use recycled paper and go volunteer to pick up tomatoes with the farmers but I do know corporate politics, I know about managing what you have to generate revenue, I know about perception and how to deliver an idea and how to be social smart around idiots!

This is a misconception in Jordan, people who work under limited funds, NGOs or are journalists think they are doing the world a favor and are better people than those who seek profit and choose to work in offices.

Did I confront the conductor? No, I choose my battles  It would’ve been a lost case where I would bite my fingers in regret.

Colleagues at the office: I’m not your happy-go-lucky girl! If you’re in a bad mood don’t give me attitude! Your father does not own the company and no I will not be nice when I need a favor and you bet I will not tolerate bull! Anything you say that might disturb me I’ll make it clear to you.

I’m done with the peer pressure phase in my life, if you don’t like me I really don’t care.

I have a coaster at my desk that says:

“The important thing is not what they think of me but what I think of them” Queen Victoria

I know I’m no queen bas bardo 7ilu to live in such powerful denial :)

Sometimes people are placed in your life where they are unavoidable and make you bring out the worst in you. I honestly thank these people who gave me the courage to be articulate and rude.

I think we keep living our lives fearing that someone might think we’re not nice. We avoid any confrontation that might disrupt our image in front of people; “no I won’t tell the waiter that the food is cold”, “I won’t tell my parents how much I don’t want to go there”, “I’ll go out with this group of friends whom I really don’t like”, “I’ll give her a call to check up on her even though she doesn’t bother to check up on me”.

In conclusion, il dinia 7zooz as my colleague always says but the important thing is not to blame everything on luck.