Thursday, February 19, 2009

Corporate world lingo

Below are phrases, words or abbreviations that exist in my corporate world. Where on earth do they get these from? The interesting thing is that these phrases are so contagious and can be picked up faster than gossip.

'Let's kill it'
Used when you want the other person to do the donkey work of a stupid project, initiative, request without ever wanting to hear about it again.
Used it twice today ;)

‘We need to look at this in a holistic view’
Used la ghayat il 3aret

‘I don’t want you to work in silos’
First time I heard it I was like “Huh? What does fermentation and biology have to do with this?”

‘Fair but not equal’
Used by HR when they want to inform employees in a diplomatic way that your colleague illi bishtghel ad nos ma btishtghel o birawwe7 ablak o bifhamsh yoktob email will be getting a higher raise than you ever will.

'Culturally un-aligned'
Not a member of our gang

‘Ra7 yiseer fee restructuring’
A good number of managers are going to be kicked out

Is it really? Is it honestly only for my information willa it means inno fee mseebeh jay 3ala il taree2 o bas ba7ib a7keelak innak khawa involved.

Meaning innak khozz o wala 3omrak ti7lam takhod promotion.

‘…..What do you think?’
Used when the sender was blamed for not sharing issues with the team. It really means that I’m thinking this way and if anyone has any objections better do the job himself.

‘…Please advise’ (tab3an always written advice which really doesn’t mean anything)
This really means FYA bas the sender is not from the same department as the recipient.

‘For further details please do not hesitate to contact me anytime’
…but if your question is stupid you’ll have to take the consequences.

‘Thank you for your cooperation’

‘Customer centric organization’
Charge the customer some fees for doing the job we’re supposed to do in the first place.

‘I am at your disposal’
Disposal? Seriously?! Come on I feel like trash

Hope this email finds you well’
3ashan illi jayeek halla2 sammet badan

'Shu ra2yek ni3mil kaza'
=Shu ra2yek ti3mili kaza

'Kindly note....'
hayna khabbarnakom 3ashan ma titfalsafu

'As per our conversation.....'
Used to confirm the message agreed upon, basically I don't trust you will stand up to your word....ya kazzab!

'As per your request'
I don't agree on the issue but this email is a blackmail tool.
Also could mean innak khozz
'To strengthen communication channels...'
Sender is blamed for working in 'silos'!

'From a strategic perspective.......'
Used to prepare the listeners that what is about to be said is too complicated for the common employee to comprehend........ losers

Don't you just love the corporate world? :)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Facebook nightmare

Yesterday I was standing next to a bunch of guys and girls who were talking. Next thing you know, girl said in these exact words, and i quote:

"la bamza7, tab3an 3indi facebook shu shayefni social mu3awwaqa?!"
no comment :)

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Episodes of my past month

1. Discussing the Egyptian cleaning man

-*Tima: "didn't you notice his eyebrows?"
-Me: "btimza7i!"
-Tima:"bi3mil 7awajbo!"
-Me: "La2, please ma t2olooli inno Fayyoumi gay!"
-Tima: "halla2 3rift keef btitla3 il isha3at bil shirkeh ":)

2. Office blabber I

My phone rings in the office

-*Samara: "Lara, ghayri rantek!"
Me thinking 'ghosbalek! shu dakhalek?'


-Me:" Aish sar b Chevening"?
-*Farida: "3milt il interview :)"

-Me: "cool:) tab o Maree7a?
-Farida: "bardo 3imlat il interview :)"

Me thinking 'hmmmm kul il mamlakeh 3imlat interview ma 3adai :S'

4. Office blabber II

My phone rings in the office
-*Samara: "Lara, ghayri rantek!"
Me thinking 'How about **** you!'

-Ignore mode on-

5. Longest 15 seconds

Waiting for the elevator -B1 to Floor 4
Creepy weird lady approaches me....

-*Manar: "Shu drastek?!!"
Me thinking "what the heck?! I've never spoken to this lady before...."Finance"
-Manar: "Wain? Jam3a Ordoniyyeh?"
-Me: "Ah"

Waiting.........'wain il zift?'

-Manar:"Ana darseh 3ilim ijtima3 min jam3it Bir Zeit"
-Me: ".....umm..... 7ilu"

Elevator opens, lucky me there's no one inside, now i have to get into a closed area, up 5 floors, with the creepy weird lady.... I know she's gonna say something crazy now and no witnesses would be there and no one would believe me!




Not a word........
3.............4 "Ching"

Me thinking 'Ghareeb! she didn't say anything.........Run Forest Run!'

Those were the longest 15 seconds of my life!

6. Office blabber III

-*Rula: "you know they say those who like kitkat are sexually frustrated!"
-*Nabil:"hehe 3am bit2oleeli willa 3am bit2ooli la 7alek? ana 3adi wad3i"
Me thinking: '3adi? o fakhoor b 7alak inno zalameh ya3ni? culture zbaleh 3ala shabab azbal. Abukom 3ala abu haik colleagues'

Sorry for the foul language, those who know me know that I'm not like that :)

*As always, names have been changed