Thursday, February 19, 2009

Corporate world lingo

Below are phrases, words or abbreviations that exist in my corporate world. Where on earth do they get these from? The interesting thing is that these phrases are so contagious and can be picked up faster than gossip.


'Let's kill it'
Used when you want the other person to do the donkey work of a stupid project, initiative, request without ever wanting to hear about it again.
Used it twice today ;)

‘We need to look at this in a holistic view’
Used la ghayat il 3aret

‘I don’t want you to work in silos’
First time I heard it I was like “Huh? What does fermentation and biology have to do with this?”

‘Fair but not equal’
Used by HR when they want to inform employees in a diplomatic way that your colleague illi bishtghel ad nos ma btishtghel o birawwe7 ablak o bifhamsh yoktob email will be getting a higher raise than you ever will.


'Culturally un-aligned'
Not a member of our gang

‘Ra7 yiseer fee restructuring’
A good number of managers are going to be kicked out

‘FYI’
Is it really? Is it honestly only for my information willa it means inno fee mseebeh jay 3ala il taree2 o bas ba7ib a7keelak innak khawa involved.

‘FYA’
Meaning innak khozz o wala 3omrak ti7lam takhod promotion.

‘…..What do you think?’
Used when the sender was blamed for not sharing issues with the team. It really means that I’m thinking this way and if anyone has any objections better do the job himself.

‘…Please advise’ (tab3an always written advice which really doesn’t mean anything)
This really means FYA bas the sender is not from the same department as the recipient.

‘For further details please do not hesitate to contact me anytime’
…but if your question is stupid you’ll have to take the consequences.

‘Thank you for your cooperation’
KHAWA

‘Customer centric organization’
Charge the customer some fees for doing the job we’re supposed to do in the first place.

‘I am at your disposal’
Disposal? Seriously?! Come on I feel like trash

Hope this email finds you well’
3ashan illi jayeek halla2 sammet badan

'Shu ra2yek ni3mil kaza'
=Shu ra2yek ti3mili kaza

'Kindly note....'
hayna khabbarnakom 3ashan ma titfalsafu

'As per our conversation.....'
Used to confirm the message agreed upon, basically I don't trust you will stand up to your word....ya kazzab!

'As per your request'
I don't agree on the issue but this email is a blackmail tool.
Also could mean innak khozz
'To strengthen communication channels...'
Sender is blamed for working in 'silos'!

'From a strategic perspective.......'
Used to prepare the listeners that what is about to be said is too complicated for the common employee to comprehend........ losers

Don't you just love the corporate world? :)

12 comments:

Dima said...

that was hilarious one lara seriously ,
as for please advice, gosh you're right :)

Led Zeppelin said...

kindly note,that I have approached you many times.

you need to look at this from a holistic view,and get how lucky you are when approached by me.

I refuse any FYI from your part that says I have been put down.

please advice

Lara said...

lol

Abdelfattah said...

7abibi :)

Do you think it would have been better without this?

Very nice blog, you really had exact if you just didn't forget "It's Your Baby" and here I added so the Blog is complete!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add a couple more:
Keep me in the loop: said to the one who usually makes mistakes and not the bright one in the team :)
it's in the pipe line: sais to things and projects that will never be done ever.

Lara said...

Wow Anonymous! That's so true, I can't believe I missed those:) thanks

Anonymous said...

hala 3ammi :) i really like this post.

M.Ispeer said...

WOW so this is how it feels to be in a big company, damn it i should've worked in one of those.

Alli can get is ta3al wala wo roo7 wala, the boss name is el m3allem, and the manager doesnt say FYI, he says 3ashan tebga 3aref.

And we dont use e-mails 3ashan to be advised, we shout at each other to notify.

u should come visist us...its pretty nice...feels like u r in soo2 el khodra...but still nice

Serina said...

Larroua good one ;)me like

asoom said...

hahaha funny. Nice Blog!

Reem said...

Amazing lara! Relates so much to... you know where!!! I dont here much of those anymore!!!

Viagra Online said...

I think that this corporate is one of the best in the city, i would like to work there and make too much money.